5 years ago I said, “I DO”

Little did I know that those 2 tiny words would start a chain reaction that would lead me down a painful and amazing path.
It went from “I Do” to “I want a divorce” in two years.
Two long years…
Long enough to own two cars, a four bedroom house, have a front yard with trees and bushes that had these fucking thorns that were two inches long, I would work on during the weekends.
Long enough to live next to a little kids playground, a few streets near a giant new park with basketball courts and a baseball field, walking distance to a MUCH nicer grade school than I ever went to, half a mile from a high school that is twice as impressive which would easily be driven to by a young adult with a shiny new driver’s license in their wallet. It was all planned out in my mind, from first steps, playing catch, working on a car, to graduation….
Those two years of my life are gone, all but erased from my mind. When I sit down and really think hard, it feel like trying to remember a dream from long ago. Even now writing this, it feels like I am remembering someone else’s thoughts, that they almost couldn’t have been mine.
After that, I decided I needed to change. Clearly I messed up. I fucked things up and ruined a perfect situation. It was something I did wrong to make things play out the way they did. So I began a journey, so it wouldn’t happen again.
On this journey I learned more about myself than I ever thought possible. It was the most difficult thing I have ever done, realizing I wasn’t happy with the way I was and doing whatever it took to change that, it is more than most can handle.
Now five years later, I am back in Phoenix visiting from my new home in Los Angeles where I am living a life I never thought possible. Hanging out with my Dad, sister, brother, niece, this weekend and am closer to all of them than ever before. I talk to my mom every week, something I never did. Am closer to my friends and have found some really amazing ones. Found out I actually am pretty decent with the ladies, somehow got a job focusing on that, and now help guys all around the world learn from my previous mistakes, so they hopefully can not follow my painful path.
I found out that it wasn’t my fault.
I also found out that I am now happy.
originally posted April 25, 2008 comments copied over

7 thoughts on “5 years ago I said, “I DO”

  1. damn that was a hard read. . . im sure it was 3 times as hard to write. . . im glad you look at it as a learning experience. . . some people would have probably swallowed a much different pill. . . you know, the lead ones that have a powder charge behind the full metal jacket. . .
    and the crazy thing is, it’s usually no ones fault. . . people are people. . .
    cheers to being happy. . .

  2. It’s crazy how some knowledge can change your life. My life is unfolding. I am a lifelong learner in the social arts.

  3. Hey, you probably dont know me but i found that blog very powerful. People all over are feeling the same way and hopefully one day ill be able to be in your spot and help others, just like you. One day. Till then im doing what you did in your past 5 years. Havn’t gotten a divorce yet but tramatic shit has happened in mylife. Its nice that you found yourself and are doing well, im 21 as of today, and am still finding myself. Its a great journey so far, and hopefully much better in the future. Good luck! Peace.
    ~Sean (Blue)

  4. Yo man im super proud of you and it usually takes a tramatic event for you to learn who you are and what you need to do Congrats and i only with you many years of happiness bravo

  5. The funniest thing about divorce is how it affects the male genome. Every single one of my male friends that has gotten divorced is blamed by the femme as the responsible party for the separation. It’s rather hard for me as a PUA and friend to try and help these folks out, because of the fact that they’re not really receptive to any sort of interaction or advice. Any advice for me, Bravo?

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